Shar. 24. Canadian-American.

I love a lot of things and people - many assorted things and people.
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It’s difficult to explain how much of a relief it is to be away from tumblr, even for a week… it’s kind of like when a telepathic character finds themselves in a situation where they can’t read everyone’s minds… and it’s just kinda nice not to know what everyone is thinking all of the time. 

I am happy again (sort of) - but I’ve found I really just don’t like social media in general? I like keeping in contact with some of you… but I also don’t like knowing what everyone thinks about everything. It’s far less awful not knowing, you know? Because people are horribly critical of most things, and I’m just not. I like to enjoy stuff, and enjoy the crap out of that stuff, no negativity involved. I don’t do opinions, especially critical ones.

So basically, yeah… you don’t have to worry that I’m super-depressed or anything, because I’m not, but aside from tumblr’s ability to show me endless pictures of people I fancy, and occasionally some awesome fic… it really brings me no joy to see what other people think about things, and I’ve found I’m actually much happier not knowing at all! It feels like being on vacation, almost.

So yeah… see ya for good! :)

Just so you know, in case you don’t see any posts from me and are wondering why - I’m pretty much abandoning my tumblr for the time being, because it’s a thing that makes me happy, and I don’t deserve to be happy until the day that I can go through life without ever screwing anything up or doing poorly on anything ever.

Ugh… I don’t want to go to bed. I’m just going to think about how I had the worst day at work ever, since when I’m not busy doing schoolwork or preocupied with some other shit, I can just hear one of my supervisor’s voices echoing in my head - the one who got mad at me today for letting someone come through the express lane with a larger order. 

Yes, I know, I’m the worst person in the world, basically :/ I still can’t stop feeling bad about it, no matter what other good things in my life I think about… I still feel like shit. Like I barely deserve to be alive after fucking up so badly.

But I have to work at my other job tomorrow morning, which will hopefully go better and I’ll hopefully be perfect… so I have to actually go to bed and get some sleep now. Even though I can’t stop berating myself for screwing up. I wasn’t even thinking… there’s like no explanation for why I did what I did, other than that I was trying to be nice to them? Ughhh. I’m such a massive fuck up who shouldn’t be allowed to even have a job, honestly. I shouldn’t even be allowed to be alive. 

(And no, I don’t understand why grocery shopping is treated like the most serious thing in the world… but apparently it is, and I should realize that more often. I should actually follow the rules better, and stop being such a shit. Because I am a piece of fucking shit for doing that.)

Finished. Okay, I had a bit of fun with that treatment. I don’t think I did it quite correctly… if the point is to hit on “universal, relatable” emotions, eh… I generally wrote it from the POV of a criminal. But he has a heart, sort-of…  and he never expected things to get so out of hand, anyway. 

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Pretty sure I’m going to fail the treatment portion of this project… which I have about two hours left to complete, if I want to get more than five hours of sleep tonight. Ugh. I’m such a pile of worthless shit. 

 wanderlustimmer said: what class?!

A geography thing about urban planning…which I’m not even that interested in doing anyway, but since I took one of the pre-reqs last year taught by the same teacher, I guess I’m on the mailing list?

I think it’s held at that coffee place you used to work, though! Legal Grounds?

I have about three hours left to finish my screenplay and write my treatment, if I plan on getting any sleep tonight - since I can’t do it tomorrow morning, because I work at my other job tomorrow morning before class.

I haven’t even seen the new episode of Once tonight and probably won’t get to until god know’s when - which is really sad actually, since this show is one of the few things that brings any sense of joy to my life.

And I had an atrocious day at work that literally ended in tears.

Remind me why I even bother being alive, sometimes?

(And my mom needs to seriously stop trying to convince me that my needs are more important than other peoples’. Because they fucking aren’t. Not in the real world, anyway. All that matters is  that I do what I’m supposed to, when I’m supposed to, and that I don’t inconvenience anyone or fuck anything up ever. If I’ve learned anything this term, it’s that I’m shit and the lowest of the low. I’m nothing but a dumb workhorse, who should be shot if I can’t do any of my fucking jobs or assignments right.)